The carefree side of Muslim men

The carefree side of Muslim men

Attallah Alblwi towers over me. Dressed in a crisp white thawb, checked keffiyeh and black agal, he is the type of man I usually find intimidating.

Normally I would associate him with the archetypal Muslim man: ascetic, righteous, upright; more concerned with decency than with unnecessary things like fun and laughter.

The Muslim men of my youth were idealized as guardians, protectors, guardians. They had no time for chatter or banter.

Attallah, however, has a playful smile and a generous laugh so full and deep that I wonder if there is something more “interesting” about his famous Bedouin tea.

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Attallah and his brother Ghanem Alblwi run Bedouin Lifestyle, a campsite in the Wadi Rum desert in Jordan. She and her staff are relaxed and at ease among the campers. They drink, laugh and sing. Some even dance. They do this without self-consciousness or judgment. There is a pleasant camaraderie as they put aside their keffiyehs, sit back on the floor cushions and drink another round of tea. As I watch, I realize that this may be the very first time I've seen traditional Muslim men in a truly relaxed state.

I have known progressive Muslim men (my friends at university, my third-generation nephews), but I have always felt a slight sense of unease towards their traditional counterparts, especially those who have nothing to do with me. There was always a feeling of distance; a feeling that we can't just sit together and have a detailed conversation without worrying about social constraints. We cannot relax, laugh or have fun together because it would go against what is appropriate.

Perhaps my experience is more influenced by culture than religion. After all, Punjabi weddings are known for being loud, even if both parties are Muslim. Bengali weddings, on the other hand, are relatively tranquil. In fact, only recently have Bengali brides been allowed to smile. Previously, they were encouraged to express grief over the loss of family and loss of innocence.

Whatever the cause of the breakup, one thing is true: I'm not the only one who feels its presence. Muslim men are one of the most studied groups of people in modern society. Their motivations, their actions, their thoughts and discussions have sparked millions if not billions of dollars in anti-terrorism initiatives and thousands of columns around the world.

Muslim men are often seen as a nebulous “other,” an opaque minority with unclear goals and motives. It's a depressing state, but one that is inevitable when you have prejudices against any group of people. Assuming a person is a certain way because of how they look and dress is the very definition of prejudice, a lesson I learn again as I accept Attallah's third cup of tea.

Attallah is not a judgmental Muslim man who believes I should be at home with a husband. It is not a model of abstention. He can look into my eyes and I can look into his, and we can just relax and talk.

I smile as darkness falls over Wadi Rum and the dancing becomes more graceful. It's strange how traveling can change your mind about things you've believed your whole life.

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