Asian Girl, English Boy: Traveling as an Interracial Couple

Asian Girl, English Boy: Traveling as an Interracial Couple

More than once I have shrugged off Peter's loving arm around my shoulder or his hand in mine: in the crowded streets of Cairo, the empty corridors of Jerash and even in the markets of Whitechapel here in London.

I think it's fair to say that I'm more attuned to the disapproval our relationship might trigger, so as he innocently reaches for my hand, I'm assessing who might see us, what they might think, what they might say, what they might do.

In the early days of our relationship, I once got angry because Peter told a Bengali waiter that we were a couple. He didn't understand that it was defamatory to my character.

You see, Bengali girls are raised to remain true to their culture and, above all, to be pure and chaste. In my opinion, it was better to pretend that Peter and I were friends.

These days I worry less about what people think, but that's easy to say when we're settled in London. What about Jordan or Egypt or Morocco or Tunisia?

Could we be so carefree in the streets of Amman and Cairo? In those cities I paid more attention to covering up and thought more about the fact that I was there - an Asian girl called Abdullah - with a white Norwich boy called Watson.

The first thing I learned was that I really didn't have to worry.

As long as I dressed modestly and we refrained from public displays of affection like any other couple, we faced zero negativity. That said, I can't say that there weren't one or two unpleasant situations.

Here are some of the things similar couples are likely to encounter abroad.

People will assume you are married

In both Egypt and Jordan, all the locals referred to Peter as my “husband” – there was no question or doubt that he couldn’t be that. Regardless of the fact that I didn't have a ring on my finger or that after one or two badly managed marriages I had no inclination to do it all again.

Shopkeepers, receptionists, taxi drivers, everyone talked to me about my “husband”. There is little point in correcting this, even if it tramples on your feminist views about the esteem rarely afforded to unmarried women.

I'm sure in some cases people knew we weren't married but maintained a sense of social decorum. I just smiled and nodded. It was the most merciful thing to do.

Booking under an “ethnic” name can cause problems

With his dark brown hair and ever-present beard, Peter could easily be mistaken for a Mediterranean native, but it's unlikely anyone would believe he's an "Abdullah" - even if he's being silly and in disguise.

alt="">"It's unlikely that anyone would believe he's an 'Abdullah' - even if he's being silly and dressing up."

So imagine him trying to check into a hotel or order a drink or book WiFi or do anything under the name Abdullah.

If I'm not with him and step forward to say, "Ah, that's me," he's likely to get everything from a raised brow to a frank interrogation.

For us, this was always a more charming comedy scene than Homeland the other way around, but it's worth keeping in mind for couples new to the scene.

You will be asked (many) personal questions

To be honest, this happens even when I'm not with Peter. Here's what I tweeted on a trip to Chicago in 2010.

An Asian woman dressed as a Texas cowgirl in a bar in Chicago with a British accent... I wonder if I should take a sign with an explanation.

– Kia Abdullah (@KiaAbdullah) October 15, 2010

My vague brownness means people always want to know what I am. I was asked if I was Thai, Singaporean, Pakistani, Indian, Tunisian and twice, to my immense delight, Brazilian. This curiosity is heightened when I'm with Peter. When he tells someone we're from London, he usually turns to me and says, 'And you?' Once a Cambodian man laughed in my face when I said, 'I'm from London too.'

More than my ethnicity, people in the Middle East and North Africa are interested in my religion. 'Are you Muslim? Is your father Muslim? Your husband is a convert, yes? He has to convert! Do you pray? Are you fasting?" Which brings me to...

There will be super awkward situations

I had just answered a barrage of questions from my taxi driver on the way to Petra. Yes, my father is Muslim. Yes, me too. Yes, I can read Arabic. Yes, I have read the Koran. Yes, of course I know Surah Fatiha (the Muslim equivalent of the Lord's Prayer).

At that point he said, “You have to recite it for me.” “Um, no, no, I couldn’t,” I said, British reserve humming through my veins. “No, no, you have to.” "No, no, no, no. really, I can't - please." "You have to. They're in our country. You have to."

Well, what should I say to that? And so, in my childhood Arabic, I recited a butchered version of Surah Fatiha, getting redder and redder with each verse.

Like a disappointed parent with a report card full of Cs, he feigned approval and quietly returned his focus to the road. Peter patted my hand encouragingly. I just shrank into my seat.

It probably won't be any worse than at home

It was the first wedding we attended as a couple. Peter looked awfully good in his gray suit and I hadn't scrubbed myself too badly either. As we entered the traditional English church, the usher Peter asked if we were with the bride or groom and then promptly showed us the way.

As I was about to walk past, the usher stopped me and asked the same question. “I, uh, I’m with him.” I pointed at Peter. Suitably embarrassed, the usher apologized and let me go.

This sort of thing happens occasionally, but instead of being offended, I'm usually amused. Sure, it would be great if we were all color blind when it comes to race, but that's just not the way of the world.

If you can accept that you and your partner are different and that people will be curious about those differences - both at home and abroad - then you will most likely be completely fine traveling as an interracial couple.
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