It's sexist to assume I'm not adventurous

It's sexist to assume I'm not adventurous

Despite what some may think, I don't do adventurous things just because my boyfriend likes them

Last week Peter and I were talking to an acquaintance (let's call him Jack) about our possible trip to Australia next year. Over pizza together, Peter mentioned that he would like to dive with sharks in Perth.

Jack glanced at me and laughed. "Ha, I don't suppose you'll keep him company because of that." I nodded. “Yes, as long as the sharks are treated responsibly.” “‘Responsible?’” He nudged Peter. “It sounds like she’s trying to get out of there, buddy.”

I bristled, but smiled politely, as the British often do. There was no point trying to convince Jack that I enjoyed adventures as much as Peter. I don't like freezing in the mountains, but I booked our 4,000 meter skydive.

Kia jumps out of a plane at 16,000 feet

I'm the one who jumped off a ledge in Samoa when Peter was skeptical about the protruding rock under the lip.

alt=““> A fellow traveler dares to take the plunge into Samoa

I've hiked active volcanoes and dived with sharks, crossed landslides and zip-lined canyons - but pointing it all out would have felt petty and trivial (as it does now).

The reason Jack's assumption is so unnerving is because I see this kind of rejection all the time. When Peter and I do something exciting or scary, I'm seen as the long-suffering friend who's embarking on a crazy prank to prove we have common interests.

In the grand scheme of sexism, Jack and his ilk are relatively harmless, but their behavior is still worth addressing. The knowing looks and condescending winks suggest that I am a “cool girl,” as so aptly described in Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl.”

The Cool Girls are even more pathetic: they don't even pretend to be the woman they want to be, they pretend to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you're not a Cool Girl, I ask you not to think that your man doesn't want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version - maybe he's vegetarian so Cool Girl loves Seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he's a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations on window dressing, but trust me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes everything he likes and never complains.

I don't do scary things because my boyfriend likes to do them. I do them because I like doing them. And when he goes off to climb high mountains or camp in the wilderness, I'm absolutely sure he can do it on his own.

Jack's mild sexism is less important to me than improving diversity in nature and protecting our wilderness, but it's still important to highlight because it's not limited to nature.

I can guarantee you that women who like soccer or hockey or other male-dominated sports get the same kind of head-slapping, “sure you’re a real fan.” A woman who likes Star Trek or World of Warcraft or any number of "nerdy" pursuits is told that she's "not like other girls," a big compliment if there ever was one.

We live in a society where so many things are unnecessarily gendered - from butterflies to ballpoint pens. Please, let's not have a gender adventure either.

See you out there – with or without Peter.

Kia

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Don't cry, love sports, play rough, drink beer, don't talk about feelings. How Not To Be a Boy by Robert Webb explores the minefield of masculinity and navigates the absurd expectations placed on modern men.

Main image: PR image

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