City life: How not to let it crush your soul

City life: How not to let it crush your soul

As our travel year enters its final month, my nerves falter at the thought of returning to city life. My hometown is a big, sprawling jungle...

As our travel year enters its final month, my nerves are trembling at the thought of returning to London. My hometown is a big, sprawling concrete jungle with few manners.

Ask me to describe a scenario typical of Samoa, for example, and I would tell you how Samoans are constantly swapping seats and rearranging themselves on buses to ensure as many people as possible have a seat, usually even offering their own rounds (see #4 of 5 Surprising Facts About Samoa).

Ask me a similar question about London and I'd probably tell you about the time I watched a man stumble down the stairs at Oxford Circus tube station. He fell forward and landed upside down, his head on the floor, his legs still spread over the stairs. He had glassy eyes and had lost a shoe.

Everyone around me froze for a second, trying to decide if he was clumsy or drunk, wondering whether they should help him or ignore him. We all chose the latter and carefully picked our way around him.

As I walked by, I heard him say “Sorry,” his voice clear and embarrassed. In that moment I hated myself for not trying to help him or calm him down. Big cities numb you to other people: their problems, their pain, their mere presence.

Maybe it's necessary as a survival tactic. Maybe it's just not possible to care for eight million people when you're all fighting for space in a suffocating city, but there are small things we can do to make life easier for ourselves and those around us.

1. Stop fighting for fragments of time

A particular anger bubbles up inside me when I stand behind someone who treats rush hour like a Sunday stroll - right in the middle of the stairwell. Sometimes I feel angry because I have to get where I want to go. Other times it's just out of habit.

Of course, racing around only buys us tiny slivers of time: seconds, maybe minutes if we're lucky. Think about all the time you spend in boring meetings or in front of the TV or on Facebook or Twitter. Nobody likes long commutes, but instead of mowing people down, how about giving up five minutes of Facebook to get some time back?

2. Be aware of other people’s space

That means legs and elbows within the confines of your seat. This means don't shove your newspaper, phone, or Kindle right in someone's face.

It means not leaning on a pole that people can hold on to. It means not pushing the person in front of you when boarding a train - or getting on before everyone has gotten off. It means walking down the damn aisle. It means picking up your trash. It means not blowing carcinogenic smoke into other people's faces. It means not screaming into your phone or playing your music too loud. It means not jumping the queue.

It means being aware that people are around you.

3. Give your barista, newsagent, or waitress your full attention

alt=“how to save for travel”>Manners are standard in small towns and villages. Why is city life so different?

City life is very busy and I understand the need to multitask, but phone calls should really be made before you get to the front of a queue. When speaking to someone serving you, have the decency to put your phone away. Look them in the eye and talk to them.

You are not part of a faceless mass that simply does what you want. They are not the invisible fabric that holds our cities together. They are human and deserve our attention.

4. Say thank you

It was Peter who first opened my eyes to how rude Londoners can be. He comes from a small town where people thank you when you stop to let them pass in a supermarket aisle or hold a door open for them - which of course means that big cities drive him crazy. As a London native, I didn't even notice this behavior until it was specifically pointed out to me. And now I notice it all the time. A thank you doesn't cost anything, so next time someone does you a favor, offer one in return.

5. Take a flyer

Come on, we all know handing out flyers in the freezing cold must be a soul-destroying endeavor. Just take what is offered to you, smile and say thank you. Take it and read it, or take it and recycle it, or take it and throw it away. Just make someone's life a little easier on this day.

6. Always wear headphones

Sometimes (well, most of the time) your appreciation for others is not reflected back to you. One of the most effective ways to stop yourself from hating people is to have headphones and music within reach. This may not actively make your city a better place, but it will make it more bearable for you.

7. Don't make assumptions about people

Do you know the girl with the head-to-toe hijab? Do you see the Louboutins under her shapeless black cape or the piercing in her left nipple? What about the guy with the tie? Must be a city wanker, right?

Well, actually he was in the Peace Corps and works at a homeless shelter every two weeks - he just got dressed up for a funeral. Big cities are full of archetypes, but that doesn't mean people are shapeless blobs with predetermined characteristics. I have learned – partly through surprising experiences and partly through hard lessons – not to label people because of their appearance or their name.

We would all have a better sense of the people around us if we saw them as individuals and not as representations.

8. Finally...if someone falls over, ask if they are OK

Seriously. It's just not acceptable to step over someone and go on your merry way. If someone falls or clearly needs help, offer to help them. The bystander effect suggests that the more people there are in a situation, the less likely they are to help because they assume someone else will. Be that person.

Very British Problems by Rob Temple is a hilarious look into the British psyche, showing how we are a nation of socially awkward but well-meaning weirdos who struggle every day to make it through without apologizing to an inanimate object.

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