7 tips for solo travelers

7 tips for solo travelers

1. Don't feel like you have to make friends

All the travel experts rave about how you'll meet amazing people and make lifelong friends on your travels, but sometimes that's just not true. Granted, the locals are usually friendly, surprising, eye-opening and delightful, but fellow travelers are often more of a one-off.

I recently got on a plane and chose a seat next to two young women because I thought they would be good to hang out with. Almost immediately, they started talking 100 words a minute about bags and shoes and shopping, and what shoes to wear when shopping, and what bags are best to store shoes in when swapping heels for flats while shopping. Groaning inwardly, I put on my headphones and turned up the volume.

Over the course of the trip I made a few acquaintances, but none that I wanted to be “lifelong” friends with. If the same thing happens to you, don't worry. Find as many single-serving friends as you need, take a tour when you're feeling lonely, and then go home and rejoice in the knowledge that you'll never have to spend an hour talking about bags and shoes and shopping with these people again...

2. When you're in Rome... don't be an idiot

If you're in a big party town, go ahead and get crazy. If you're in a peaceful retreat, try some challenging Pilates. There's nothing wrong with getting into the spirit of the place you're in, just don't be stupid. A few years ago I was on the beach in Miami when a green-eyed model specimen of a man approached me (green eyes and dimples are my two biggest weaknesses in life, so bear with me here).

After a short conversation he asked if I wanted to go swimming. My British reserve mixed with my Asian conservatism (and the fact that I just felt a bit pale and weak next to him) made me decline. I've never done the casual thing, so I rejected his gentle attempts to persuade me.

Finally, he looked at me admonishingly and said, "Come on! You're in Miami!" Those words triggered something in me. He was right. I was in Miami for heaven's sake! I had just gotten through a messy divorce and even though I wasn't planning on starting casual, if I couldn't go swimming with a model guy in Miami, then I was too decent to even be there.

And so, with the warning that it was “just a bath,” I stepped out of my dress and waded into the warm water with him. A few minutes later he started to become tactile and almost immediately I froze. Gentle persuasion quickly turned to insistence and with his arms wrapped around me, I began to panic. “Relax,” he kept telling me. ,Relax yourself.'

I tried in vain to push him away. My protests became more and more panicked until I finally spotted someone walking towards us. I told him in no uncertain terms, “Let go of me or I’ll scream,” which had the desired effect. I ran out of the water, gathered my things and rushed back to the hotel.

I don't think I really felt threatened in the water; It wasn't until I was safely back that I realized how shaken I was. I realized how wrong things could have gone if I had made that quick decision in a slightly different place and time. I am in no way saying that anyone who makes a similar decision is an “idiot,” as the title suggests; it's just a way of saying be careful.

Yes, traveling is about releasing inhibitions and having fun, but just keep your wits about you and don't do anything you'll regret.

3. …But keep an open mind

Having said all of the above, it is worth mentioning that you should keep an open mind (without compromising your safety). Women in particular use all sorts of mechanisms to curb come-ons.

Some walk around with a scowl on their faces, others with headphones and a newspaper. Most are practiced at avoiding eye contact when a man is so desperate to catch him (yes, guys, we know when you do that). All that armor can create an unassailable barrier when traveling, so start conversations and be open and approachable. I

If you're concerned that someone is reading too much into your interaction, mention a boyfriend or girlfriend early in the conversation (even if you have to make one up). This won't always be a deterrent, but at least you'll make your intentions clear.

One thing you'll learn while traveling is that people generally have more depth than you might think (unless they spend hours talking about bags and shoes and shopping). Take the guy whose loudmouth dramatics led me to dismiss him as a bleach-blond, air-headed Mykonos guy, but who turned out to be the son of a diplomat, who had lived in seven different countries, could speak four languages, and was one of the most amusing people I've met.

Or the guy who joined me uninvited for coffee, but instead of the sexually aggressive Italian who seemed superficial, he was a real gentleman who regaled me with stories from Perito Moreno to anthropological studies of Polynesian tribes.

Be wise, but not paranoid. It's a fine line, but you'll figure it out.

4. Watch your snacking

Maybe it's just me, but instead of company, it can be tempting to eat a donut in the morning and then a coffee mid-morning and then a crepe in the afternoon and of course a nightcap before retiring for the day.

Traveling alone means having your own schedule. Stopping for snacks is a great way to break up the day, but don't overdo it. Travel should of course be indulgent, but try not to overdo it. It's not good for your health and it will make you feel worse.

5. Travel light… No, lighter

I'm not a girly girl. I never wear jewelry, I hate shopping, I was bored by The Notebook and, as the former beauty editor of Asian Woman magazine can attest, I can barely open a lipstick—but I've been known to bring four types of shoes with me on vacation (flip-flops for the beach, flats for running, heels for parties, and boots for the actual travel part).

Optimize as much as possible. I recently went to Cambodia for a few weeks and wore about 10% of the clothes I brought with me. Wash and wear when necessary, especially on long-term trips.

If possible, opt for a backpack instead of a suitcase. Traveling alone means no one will be watching your luggage, and believe me, trying to maneuver a suitcase in a bathroom stall is just no fun.

6. Learn a language (yes, even if “everyone speaks English”!)

I was in the Tiergarten in Berlin watching the Italians lose 4-0 to Spain when it started to rain. The stranger next to me gallantly offered me his umbrella. I stepped under and thanked him, whereupon he asked me a question (in German). I responded with, “I’m sorry, I speak English.” He tried again and I shook my head. He said, “Tourist?” I nodded sheepishly.

I usually try to pick up a few phrases of the local language, even if it's just je ne parlais pas francais in preparation for Paris, but in this case I hadn't bothered because apparently "everyone in Berlin speaks English" and since Berliners aren't snooty about their language like Parisians, I figured I'd be okay.

The German gentleman managed to ask whether I supported Italy or Spain. When I said Italy, he pretended to take away the umbrella (since they had beaten Germany in the previous game) and we laughed: a short exchange that needed no words, but beyond that conversation was impossible.

I was quite ashamed that I couldn't even say "I don't speak German". So the moral of the story is: learn something from the local language, even if your own is widely spoken!

7. And of course: Don't forget the practical aspects

Tell someone where you are staying regularly, and don't skip the boring stuff like making copies of your passport, getting travel insurance, and using protection (both the UV type and the more fun type). Traveling is supposed to be liberating, a way to indulge the free spirit within you, to run wild and free, but the people back home care about you, so don't neglect to tell them where you are and where you will be.

All in all, seeing the world is one of the most exciting things you can do. It can change your perspective on life (it will if you do it right). So if you really want to go somewhere or just need some time off but can't find anyone to go with, just go.
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